Drinking Carbon Monoxide?

What is carbon monoxide, anyway? Is it some sort of drink? I’m pretty sure there’s this awesome drink going around that the kids call dihydrogen monoxide, so it must be another form of that. Maybe it’s the adult version of it? I’ve heard that humans are carbon-based lifeforms, so I guess that would make sense. 

What doesn’t make sense, though, is why they’re going to be using a carbon monoxide tester at the end of this challenge in Australia’s Next Top Office. All we’re doing is installing air conditioners in our offices. Why would we need to test for a strange new drink? Unless it’s a cool new energy drink that’s also illegal. Maybe it helps you think really fast, which would be a definite edge in the competition. Oh, man, I’ve got to get my hands on some of that sweet, sweet carbon monoxide. I’ll find a way to avoid the test later. That’s not a ‘now’ problem. A ‘now’ problem is that I have no idea how to install an air conditioner.

Does anybody know an aircon service company for Melbourne offices? I’ve got an hour for lunch before the challenge begins and I really should use it wisely. I’ll grab a pie from the local bakery, pick up a can of carbon monoxide and have a conversation with an air conditioning service technician. That’ll help me win this challenge, or at least not come last again.

It might seem wrong to cheat on a challenge like this, but that’s how I came first in the opening challenge. Sure, it got me locked in a drawing room for twenty-four hours, in which I had to design a laundry, but you know what they say! If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. I’ll keep cheating until it stops working. If it gets me through to the end of the competition and I walk away with a speed boat named Charity, filled to the brim with cash, then you’ll call me a genius!

– Jack Zebraman