Oh, Great Window Tinter, where are you? I have been searching far and wide for the prophesied hero, but everyone who has seemed close to his true potential has failed the tests. But hope is not lost, for many people have joined the Church of the Tinted Flock recently, and our search is widening. We will find our ruler eventually. One who has the power to tint with his mind and turn glass so dark that it has the power of a black hole. For these things have been prophesied in the ancient pyramids of Egypt.
There are still many commercial glass tinting businesses near Melbourne that I must investigate. I will travel to each and demand that their finest tinter attempt my tests. First, he must take an ordinary piece of glass and turn it black. Then, he must create a fine decorative window in no less than ten minutes. Lastly, he must prove his worth by leaping through a ring of fire without receiving any burns. These challenges are designed to be impossible, because only the Great Window Tinter, a man of pure divinity, will be able to pass them. After all, who could create a commercial decorative window in such a short amount of time?
Tomorrow I will gather all of the Tinted Flock for a special meeting. I will read from the holy text: How to Tint Windows, which while seeming mundane, actually contains all the secrets of life, when held in the right hands and read with eyes of interpretation. We will all rejoice together, for the time of the Great Window Tinter is nigh. And then I shall give them the addresses of each window tinting company in Victoria, and we shall get to work. I know that the Great Window Tinter is waiting for us. I’ve cancelled my upcoming archaeological journey to the depths of the ocean, as this is far more important. I’ve found my calling. Here I stand, where I was meant to be.