No More Cooling

There I sat, completely hidden in the alcoves of MEGACORP’s corporate building when I heard it. Their evil plan. Fortunately, I was able to record it for you to read. Here’s the transcript.

“Is everything ready for operation Take Over Planet Earth for Our Llama Overlords? The timing must be perfect. There is absolutely no margin for error.”

“Yes, commander. We have made sure that nobody can get air conditioning repairs near Sydney, and every other city in the country. Everything is going according to plan. Soon there will be no more air conditioning, and the humans will melt.”

“Excellent. Why did you mention Sydney specifically, though? Is there something I don’t know about? As your commander, I should be told everything.”

“No, I just like Sydney. It’s a nice city with a cool bridge. Have you seen that bridge of the Sydney harbour? It is a very nice bridge. Right now, countless people are crossing it, all calling for their local air conditioning service. Sydney residents are in a panic!”

“And residents of other cities, too?” (At this point, there was no verbal response, but I assume the other creature nodded.) “Perfect. I suppose all we have to do now is relax. Do you want to split an olive pie for lunch?”

So you see, reader, these creatures, whatever they are, are truly evil! I can’t think of anything more horrible, more disgusting, more unnatural than an olive pie. This is the takedown I’ve been waiting for. We already know that MEGACORP is run by lizards and llamas, but this is something else. The evilest plan I’ve ever heard. An olive pie for lunch! Evacuate the cities, enter your shelters, protect the women and children. And most importantly, boycott all MEGACORP products. I know their self-driving cars are great, and their plans to release a public teleportation system will change the world, but you can’t trust them. Do you need any more proof?