Offer of Representation

It’s so much worse than I expected. Gosh, I don’t know if I can go through with this. The Giggle McWiggle Chronicles is just so unfathomably cliche and dry. I’m not sure how somebody has actually written this and thought it was good. I think I’d rather pull my eyes out than read another page.

Which, unfortunately, means that it probably is really good. It seems I have the worst taste in books, having passed up several bestselling novels. It’s like how they say the publishers who passed up Harold Scarface must regret it, except that I’ve done it four times. So do I just take a gamble on this series, hoping that my instincts are horribly wrong?

I don’t know if I can do it. I’d probably be better off getting some career change advice around Melbourne and going into marketing or something. But I suppose I don’t lose anything if I can’t sell this series, except my time (and my will to live, but whatever). I guess I should just give it a shot, even if I don’t read the rest of the book. Maybe something great will happen. Well, here we go.

Dear Mr Bland, I was delighted to receive your manuscripts, even though I only asked for the first one. I was gripping the pages and trembling as I turned each one, eager to learn more about your completely original world and fleshed-out characters. I’d love to represent you going…

No, I just can’t do it! I feel physically ill writing this letter. Where are the closest career counsellors for the Melbourne area? I’d rather go into garbage disposal work than spend another minute with Giggle McWiggle. Either way, I’m working with trash.

Come on, Janet! Ever since you started working at the agency you’ve wanted to go off and start your own one, picking up the greatest authors around. Pull yourself together, woman and send that Augustus Bland guy an email. You can do it! You’re stronger than your demons!

Okay. I can do this. I hope.