Easy Drive Listening

There I was, just minding my own business, windows down and Ez-Club Seventy-Seven: Greatest Hits blaring out the windows, which is the only way to drive, I might add. My job involves a lot of driving around my local area, so I try to entertain people with my incredibly loud and obnoxious early-2000s bubble-gum pop. Did you know that Ez-Club Seventy-Seven is the only pop band in the world to have seventy-seven members? It’s a record!

So yeah, my engine exploded. Luckily for me, I was on the border of Ringwood at the time. Everyone knows that mechanics open in Ringwood are some of the best in the world, and they knew I was coming because everyone knows I’m coming. I was blasting Ez-Club Social Gathering very loudly out the window at the time, and singing along, very loudly. 

“Ain’t no social gathering like an Ez-Club social gathering…”

The mechanics were able to diagnose what went wrong with the engine, but weirdly enough, it was another potential sabotage. I must know: who keeps doing this?? Just the other week I was in Ringwood again for brake repair. I’d been making a delivery, playing Grasp Upwards for the Luminous Balls of Gas at full volume, and suddenly I’m careening down a hill, out of control. The mechanics said that someone may have cut the brakes. Who would want to hurt ME, of all people? Me, the bringer of good music and bubblegum vibes to all! Must be some mistake, just like the mistake the week before when I went in for a log book service and they found that someone had swapped my refrigerant gas for mustard gas. If I was the type to use the air con instead of having my windows down all the time, that could’ve been a real problem. But that’s what the boys and girls and men and women and people in general doing log book servicing near Ringwood are for. Swapping one gas for another, less harmful gas.

Surely it’s all a mistake, though. A coincidence that it happened the day after I played Do Not Cease the Locomotion on loop for seven hours.

Oh man, what a classic! No one could hate music that good!

-Paulina Jo