Wizard Woes

I never thought I’d need to call for air conditioning repairs, but here I am flicking through a Book of Local Tradies that I conjured with the flick of my wrist. Even though we’re getting toward winter, I still need my aircon working, because it gets really warm underneath my wizard robes, which I’m not …

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Sewer Interviews

Today I was out in the field again, collecting data for the Australian Bureau of Random Statistics. My mission for the day was to ask as many people as possible about drain repair and their thoughts on the sewers of Melbourne. The results are quite fascinating. First, I spoke with Garthablog the Twenty-Seventh, who I …

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Gone Standard

I never thought I’d be the type to drive a middle-of-the-road sedan, let alone white one with a bog standard interior and enhanced safety features. I mean, come on… who needs a thing that beeps when you start drifting out of your lane, except people who shouldn’t be driving in the first place? And yet, …

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Cubicle Comeback

Now that cubicles are making a comeback, the ‘new’ office is starting to look a bit… well, old. I say new in inverted commas because the makeover was actually done nearly ten years ago. You’d be surprised at how time flies when you haven’t switched up your workplace for more than a decade, and things …

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Thing of Beauty

Do you ever see a ute tray setup that just brings a tear to your eye? No? Maybe it’s just me, although I’m sure I’m not alone in this, the reason being that there are some gloriously decked out utes around. Anyone with even a passing interest in ute accessories would surely have no choice …

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Mechanical Painting

I went to a mechanic today, but they couldn’t do what I wanted them to. It was pretty frustrating because I’ve been told by the video game Big Steal Car that mechanics can give paint jobs; all you have to do to get a colour change in the game is drive into a mechanic’s garage …

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Beige Against the Machine

What’s with beige carpet? I’m totally serious. More to the point, what’s with people scrubbing up their homes to go on the market by installing beige carpet, of all things? Nobody wants it, and it doesn’t benefit anyone, so why do people insist on ruining their otherwise nice properties by adding this most banal of fixed …

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No More Cooling

There I sat, completely hidden in the alcoves of MEGACORP’s corporate building when I heard it. Their evil plan. Fortunately, I was able to record it for you to read. Here’s the transcript. “Is everything ready for operation Take Over Planet Earth for Our Llama Overlords? The timing must be perfect. There is absolutely no …

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The Driving Stuntman

This is it. The greatest stunt of my career. I can’t be sure that Bessie or I will survive, but we have to try. The people, they’re out there, waiting to be blown away by our show. Avoiding missiles while driving? They’ve seen us do that a thousand times already. Driving over shark tanks with …

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Peace in Flowers

This might surprise you, but even evil scientists need to relax from time to time. That’s right, it’s not all destructor-rays and ‘take over the city’. At least, it isn’t for me. I find that planning and implementing these evil plans can be quite tiring. I don’t have the money for a holiday, so I …

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